Who's I Am

This will be the last blog entry from inside the borders of South Korea.  Tomorrow morning we get on a plane heading home to Kentucky and boy are we excited.  The idea of the flight is terrifying as we will be locked in the plane at 30,000 feet with our little boy whether he is in a good mood or not.  There is no escape for anyone should he decide that a meltdown is needed mid-flight and if bedtime is any indication, this little guy can bring the pain when it comes to throwing a fit.

Most of you know the story of how God had to change my heart when it came to the subject of adoption.  Before I met Bethany, the idea of adopting never would have crossed my mind for an instant.  It's funny how God often uses the things that we least expect to change our lives.  Looking back on the last 10 years, I can clearly see the way God worked a miracle to get me to Korea and I am so very thankful that He did.  If not for the grace of God, I would never have looked into the eyes of my son and fallen head over heels in love.  10 years ago I would never have believed the depth of love I could feel for someone I have only just met, but it is so unbelievably real!  The first time Bethany gave him a bottle and I sat on the couch staring into his eyes, I thought my heart was going to burst.  He just stared at me, his eyes never leaving mine... searching to see if I was all in or holding something back.

Since coming back to the guest house with us, Isaac has been a mamma's boy 100%.  He would play peek-a-boo with me or make faces with me, but he wouldn't sit with me or walk with me or let me hold him.  He would look at me from time to time and just stare into my eyes, still searching me out to see where we stood.  It's so hard not being able to communicate the way you want too with someone you love so very much.  I wanted to tell him that I'm not going anywhere, that I'm gonna love him forever and that there isn't anything in the world that will ever change that... but how do you do that when you're speaking a different language?  It turns out some things don't need words to be communicated.  This afternoon I was sitting in the floor while Isaac was sitting in the armchair with his mommy.  He was staring at me again and so I did my best to hold his gaze and not look away as he searched me once again.  All of a sudden he climbed down out of the chair and walked over to me and turned around and sat right down between my legs and leaned back against me.  I couldn't have soared higher if I had my wings!

Just a few months ago I got to attend the Simply Youth Ministry Conference when it came to Louisville, KY.  There was a guy by the name of Tim Timmons who came to lead us in worship several times throughout the conference and one of his songs that he used to lead us to God's throne is titled "Child of God".  When Isaac crossed the room today to sit between my legs and let me wrap him up in a hug a line from that song came screaming into my mind and re-confirmed to me that this was God's plan long before it ever became my plan.

"I am adopted in Christ, I can call you Father.  I walk with you dignified, with your sons and daughters.  You hold your hands out, you wrap me in your mercy and tell me Who's I am!"  Tim Timmons