New Year, New Baby

I have taken my time to update this blog. Sometimes it takes a awhile after something huge happens for me to be able to sit down at write about it. Such a huge thing happened to our family the week before Christmas.
Our loan finally went through, all the papers were signed and we gave our lawyer in Arkansas the go ahead to find a match. A day or so later we got an email from him stating that we could hear from a possible match "soon". So soon is a relative term, especially in adoption. Soon could be hours, days, or months as far as we were concerned. But that same weekend, on the way to sing Christmas carols, we got a phone call from our lawyer letting us know we had a possible match and needed to set up a Skype call for the next day. So in shock, we went on our way spreading Holiday Cheer, all the while our heads were full of questions.
This adoption is much different from our first. With Isaac we knew nothing of his birth mother other than age and some family history. He was 11 months old when we were matched and our only contact was with his wonderful foster mother when we picked him up in Korea. I think often of his birth mother and pray that she knows what a precious gift she gave us, but will probably never have a face or name to go with those thoughts. When we went into our second adoption we both realized that God had been working on our hearts about domestic adoption. Our fears before about open adoption and the possibility of the birth mother changing her mind were paralyzing. But God has a way to test and grow our faith and sometimes change our hearts.
As we went about our day awaiting our Skype call, I tried to come up with things to ask the birth mother as well as questions that she might ask us. I had played it out in my head 100 times before we sat down in front of the computer that evening.
Our call started with our translator, luckily for us our birth mother speaks English which made the conversation much easier. We began with our names and over the course of an hour shared much about each other. My eyes filled with tears as she talked about the decision she was making for her baby girl. I had thought about that choice with Isaac's birth mother but never saw the pain and courage that went along with it. I felt a connection right away, like our hearts were mended together and the questions I had before didn't matter so much anymore.  The money it didn't matter, the worries of what may happen didn't really matter much either. In that moment Travis and I realized that this was so much bigger than us, than our adoption. It was about sharing God's love with all of these people. It is about praying for our lawyer who is trying to do whats best for the Marshallese people he loves with little to no help. It's about understanding God's love for our lives in a way greater than we ever knew before.
 For many of you, none of this makes sense, the risk are too great. I agree the risk are huge for us and many nights I lie awake thinking of those risk. What if she changes her mind before the birth or worse after, what if she comes back later and decides she wants her baby girl back. What if we don't have the money we need to take care of this child, what if we have to stay in Arkansas for over 2 weeks with our baby girl before we can get a court date, what if it's more like 6 weeks like others have had to wait. What if she is not healthy, what if there are more medical complications with have to pay for, but what if we go to get our baby girl and she is beautiful and healthy. What if we bring her home in a short amount of time and see that she is a perfect fit for our family, what if our relationship grows with her birth mother and she grows to understand God's love in a greater way. What if God's in control of every single detail of this whole thing, and He has called us to follow him completely. If that's the case, and we believe that it is, none of the "what ifs " really matter. We just have to trust him.
So that night as we talked for over an hour with the mother of our baby girl and we committed ourselves to each other. The next day we signed a contract and sent a check to make sure that her needs and the needs of our child will be taken care of. And somewhere around March 11 our precious baby girl will be born!
Right now we are preparing our hearts and home for the addition. I have been going through baby clothes and baby items to find out what we still need. I will post about some needs that we may have at a later date. I have sent a list of questions to our lawyer about everything under the sun and we are waiting for a reply. And as the calender gets ready to flip to another year we anticipate what God is going to do in our lives. It may not work out just perfect but I know He is in control and we are good with that. Please pray that when the doubts creep in and the questions linger in our minds that we put our trust in God alone. Thank you for the support you have already shown us, in prayer and financially. This time the wait is much shorter March is right around the corner!

Yet Another Adventure

After returning home from our first Amazing Race, we spent some time relaxing enjoying our new addition. There are no words to describe how Isaac has completely turned our world upside down. He is an amazing little boy with a wonderful sense of humor and incredible affinity for things with wheels and wagons. As we were finishing up our last post-placement visit with our case worker she looked at us all and said, "I will see you again soon!" I guess she knew something that we didn't at the time. She knew that our hearts still had room for more.
Today I write to tell you about our call to join the Amazing Race again. Travis says that as soon as we landed in Dallas on the way home from getting Isaac that I was ready to adopt again. I will say that he is probably right. I had to convince myself to just enjoy our hilarious little man and not worry with what God had in store for our family. Late this summer after much prayer and discussion we decided it was time to at least send an email to see what our options were for adopting again.
Really there were a few options for us, Korea which already had my heart, China, or domestic adoption. We would jump on a plane to Korea again in a minute if it had not been for the changes made in the process since adopting Isaac. You now have to travel to Korea multiple times and stay for up to two weeks at a time. With two children at home, this option did not seem like the best one for our family. China did not feel right to us either. That only left domestic adoption, which would take forever, or so we thought. Turns out our agency has been working with a lawyer out of Arkansas to perform private adoptions with a people group from the Marshall Islands. She told us that the process was fairly quick in adoption terms and instructed us to call to find out more. We began to pray about where God had in mind for us, realizing that my email to check on options had quickly turned our hearts toward readiness! After a little more research and help from Travis' cousin and his wife, this is what we know about our upcoming adoption.
The Marshall Islands is part of a larger group of islands referred to as Micronesia located in the Pacific ocean about midway between Hawaii and Australia.
Back in 1940s and 50s the United States conducted nuclear testing on certain islands within the Marshall Islands which caused those areas to be uninhabitable. Thus, the remaining islands became overpopulated with very little opportunity for work. Since America caused so much destruction in the Marshall Islands they formed an agreement which allowed Marshallese people to travel in and around the United States without a VISA and no restriction on length of stay.
Since then Marshallese have been migrating from their homeland to the United States since the 1980s in hopes of earning money, educating their children, and seeking medical care. The second largest population of Marshallese are residing in Springdale, Arkansas. Most are working in the chicken industry for Tyson Chicken. This culture does not believe in birth control.  However, they do believe in adoption. Many of the children are being born into families or cohabitation situations  where they are unable to provide and care for their children. Marshallese women have also been subjected to various forms of sex trafficking. There seems to be a growing need for families to adopt these babies that are being born into impoverished situations. Most of these birth mothers care about their children and want to see them placed with a family who will love them and provide for them. This is a culture who has a love for children and celebrates them, many on the island never make it to their first birthday because of poverty or illness. We are absolutly blown away by this opportunity, to minister to this people group and to bring another amazing child into our home.
Anna and Isaac are also excited, though Isaac has no idea what he is getting into. When you ask if he wants a boy or girl he just says, "I want a baby!" Anna on the other hand has quite a lot to say about this adoption. She has not only declared that she wants a baby sister but has also proclaimed that she should have naming rights!
We are currently in the process of gathering funds. We were blessed this week with the ability to completely pay off our first adoption loan, just in time to get a second! We will be doing our best to raise money which will include a raffle for a signed UK basketball, a yard sale and anything else we might be able to come up with. We appreciate any help you can give us but more than anything covet your prayers as we journey on. We have learned that adoption is quite the roller coaster ride and want to be ready for whatever comes our way!

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth."
                                                                                                                1 John 3:17-18

And the race begins....

Gotcha Day

On the eve of Gotcha day while Isaac is sleeping and Anna is at school I found the time fitting to sit and reflect on what God has done in the last year. I really thought I would post more once we got Isaac home, but found myself enjoying the moments as they passed and cherishing them all in my heart.

I am absolutely blown away by the fact that it has already been a year since we first gazed upon our son. I remember those first moments so well, every emotion that went along with them. The anticipation of our first meeting, the excitement of our second, and the overwhelming wonder when he was finally ours to bring home. The nerves were quickly overcome with joy with the pl
easant smiles and awkward cries from Isaac and us as we try to figure each other out. The complete awe as he and Anna began to form bonds that only siblings hold.

I had no way of knowing what this year wou
ld be like, it's was a journey only for the 4 of us to embark on. I read back to my last post and remember the first few months that included fear, questioning and many, many restless nights. But I also remember the times when I looked into Isaac's eyes and felt a love that could only be for MY SON, the one chosen by God specifically for us. I wondered if Isaac would ever learn to say Momma, it was fall before he did, but now I wonder if he will ever stop. Travis counted the times he said Momma in the 15 minutes we were reading books before bed a few days ago, the total in 15 min. 65 times! Isaac is definitely a Momma's boy. If I am around he wants to be right by my side. I will have to admit, I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel like with all the years spent dreaming of him, wishing for him, waiting for him, being by his side is the best place for me too.

Isaac has begun to show us his personality. He loves anything with wheels, especially the big three, trains, firetrucks and his new found love of tractors. He looks for tractors as we drive and points them out to anyone who will listen. Tractor is one of my favorite words to hear him say, along with AHH for Anna, brella for umbrella, nack for snack, and how he makes the sound that the animal makes rather than saying the animals name. He is talking a lot, wasn't quite that way when he turned 2 but has really exploded with vocabulary in the last few months. He has began to repeat what he hears and has started trying to sing some and do the motions to songs. He has a great teacher in Anna for that. He and Anna are, like all siblings, the best of friends or the worst of enemies. They play great together for the most part and Anna has yet to say anything about wishing she didn't have a brother. I think she understood the wait for him more than we thought. They both had a blast on our beach trip a few weeks ago, she loved the dolphins, he the sand! Isaac loves to do things to make us laugh, he impersonates his Dad by snoring when he pretends to sleep. He makes funny sounds and faces to see the reaction he will get. There are things he does almost daily that remind me of why God chose him  for our family, he just fits right in. Isaac loves to be on the go, he asked to go Bye, Bye a lot. He enjoys going to church, going to the ballpark for ball games and practice, going to the store (to look at tractors), and he loves to visit his grandparents. In the last year he has made the trip from Korea, traveled to and from Anna's school, got sick a lot (last fall and winter, including the flu), ate a million snacks, learned English, went to the zoo, went swimming, carved pumpkins, dressed like a monster for Halloween, celebrated Christmas, went to Thunder Over the Pond, celbrated half birthday and birthdays, went on vacation, rode on a train and tractors, and got to meet his forever family! Plus much, much more.  I think it has been a pretty good year!

We finally have a date set for our adoption finalization, praying that all goes well and he will be officially ours. It has been official in our hearts for a long time. We are going to celebrate Gotcha day together as a family tomorrow night, Anna has suggested that we go to Chuckie Cheese, how convenient! No matter what we do we will be celebrating God's amazing love and tremendous blessings in our lives. We still have terrible twos and impossible three's to deal with, but we count each day as a miracle. I hate to think of where we would be without the love of God. He opened our eyes to a greater need. A love beyond ourselves, beyond our fears, beyond what we were possible of, the calling of adoption. After all, we are all called to a greater love. He has adopted us, we are now children of God! Gotcha day is to be celebrated by all, God has us now, we have been redeemed and we are His forever.

I sing a lullaby to Isaac every night that goes like this:

We love you, We love you, you were chosen for us
We love you, We love you, we were chosen for you
God above sent his love and brought us together
God above sent his love and brought us to you!

Thanks for all you have done for us in the last year, thanks for the prayers, the smiles and the encouraging words. We don't know what the future holds for our family but we are trusting God because he has a far greater plan that we could ever imagine, he has shown us that already!

Happy Gotcha Day big boy!

Home Sweet Home

I really can't believe we have already been home for 2 months with our little guy, but then again there are times when it feels like he has been here forever. I really wanted to update the blog last month, but found it very difficult at the time to sit down and type what was really going on in my head. They say hind sight is 20/20 and now that I have had some time to reflect on the happenings of the last few months maybe I can portray a more clear image.

As I wrote on my last post the first few days or weeks for that matter, upon arriving at home were quite difficult. I kind of explain it this way, when you are about to have a newborn baby people tell you that you will be tired and that it will be difficult, but you never truly understand it until the time comes. I felt that way with Isaac, I knew it would be hard but did not understand the emotions that were involved. I thought that once we had him home the roller coaster ride of emotions would be over, not even close. I struggled with what kind of mom to be to this new little guy in my life, should I hold him more or less, should I give in when he throws fits or discipline him? And what happened to the son we had known in Korea, full of smiles and laughs and curiosity. For the first few weeks his personality virtually disappeared, he cried well more like screamed a lot, and I wondered if he would ever find himself here with us. As the days past we began to get into more of a routine, I found myself relaxing more and trusting my instincts. He began to open up, to show us his beautiful smile, and began to laugh again. I will never forget the first time he laughed, he and Travis were playing and roughhousing, Travis' whiskers tickled him and he let out a full out belly laugh. My heart about jumped out of my chest!

Almost as quickly as his personality disappeared it returned and people were noticing quickly. He began to explore more around the house and at church. He began to babble a lot and Anna taught him how to squeal (Much to our delight, Ha!)

The last month or so have been great. He sleeps through the night most of the time. We still have to lay in the floor sometimes when we first lay him down in his crib. It is so funny to see him peeking over the bumper to see if we are still there. He is still taking a bottle at bedtime, for those of you who know me well know that I looked very forward to rocking him to sleep. I am afraid that if I take the bottle away he won't let me rock him! Our doctor has told us not to be in a hurry getting rid of the bottle because it is still good for bonding time.

Isaac loves to eat, I can't really explain how much he loves to eat in mere words. He would eat constantly if allowed from morning until night. We have found very few things that he does not like and when he eats he is very messy. I have told many people, if you want Isaac to like you just feed him! I have never seen a toddler eat like him, I guess he is making up for the extra time on formula! Isaac has learned some basic sign language, the first sign he learned was more (when asking for more food of course), he knows eat, milk, drink, and has made up his own sign for dog.
Dogs are his next favorite thing following closely behind eating. He loves our dog Bacon and asks for her constantly. He only wants to look at pictures of dogs in his books and kisses them all the time. Dog and Dad were his first English words.

Many people wonder about the language barrier. It has been amazing how well he has picked up on English. He understands everything we say and is beginning to repeat our tones and sometimes words in his babbling. I am even working on the C-A-T-S Cats! Cats! Cats! cheer. He smiles and laughs almost constantly now, at times cracking himself up. A sure fire way to get a laugh is to juggle, he thinks that is so funny.

Isaac and Anna bonded right away. He looks for her when she is gone and loves to be in her room. She is very attached to her brother, she wants to hug him and kiss him all the time. Sometimes she gets too close and may get hit, but most of the time they are inseparable. Which will make if very difficult when she goes to school in a few weeks.

I am absolutely amazed at how much of a perfect fit Isaac is to our family. He has endured himself to the hearts of all that have spent much time with him at all. I am blown away by the fact that God saw fit to place this little boy in our care. I cannot believe that God even looks my way, let alone sets all of this into motion, even when I tried to mess it up. I am grateful beyond words for his blessings and I pray that this will only be the beginning to the amazing things that God is going to do in our lives.
And to think I could have missed it, I could have said no it's too hard, or no we don't have the money or no I've never even been on an airplane I am definitely not going to South Korea! I tried to say no, I really did but when I look into my little boys eyes as he leans in to give me a kiss, I am so glad I didn't!

Continue to pray for us as we seek to be the parents and the people God desires for us to be. I am sure there will be many more ups and downs in this Amazing Race. Isn't it funny that as you type ouramazingrace together that it also says Our Amazin Grace, and that is what this race is truly all about, the Amazing Grace our heavenly father has given to us by adopting us into his family, those who put there faith in Jesus. We have already began to teach our children about this amazing grace and pray that through our story you have been touched by it as well.

We will continue to post updates on our family as we wait for the adoption to be official, until then know that I am loving every moment of being a proud mother or two!

A picture is worth...

Today was probably one of the most difficult days that we have had with our little man. He continues to wake up through the night often and just doesn't seem to be fully awake at any time during the day. His internal clock is fighting the adjustment. I told Travis that I just felt like I was spending the day keeping him awake, he said, "Well you are!" I guess that's true but I would much rather be playing. Isaac was very clingy today, he wanted to be in my arms all day and walking around, just in my lap wouldn't do. Travis returned to work today but not before being given a gift from his new son. Isaac said what seemed like Daddy as Travis left the room and when Travis came back in he was waving bye, bye. I can't imagine what is going on in the little guys head, everything is so strange, and I wonder how much he understands when we talk to him. He does understand no, as he has been told quite often since we have been home. No don't pull Anna's hair. No don't throw that. No don't touch that. No don't scratch Anna. He and Anna have a love, hate relationship at this point, but she continues to tell us how glad she is to have a baby brother.
Isaac is sleeping in his crib tonight for the first time, with me on the floor in his room. I am hoping that it will help him to sleep better to not be disturbed by my tossing and turning. We continue to try to do things that make his adjustment easier but I have to remember we have only been home 3 days. We have so much more to learn about each other and I can't wait to try.
In those moments when I am having to carry him around the house non-stop I find myself thinking about the wait, the dreams, God's amazing plan and I hold him just a little bit tighter. I know in a few weeks I will be able to articulate more freely the Amazing Grace that God's has shown us in all of this. Then I will be able to express some of my emotions that at this moment feel like a jumbled mess.

Here I am!

Bath time in Korea!

At our first meeting in the home of the foster family

Playing in the cabinet on Gotcha Day in our room

The main reason for this blog post you see above, many of you have been asking for pictures and we have finally received clearance to show them on a non-public sight. Travis said to choose just a few good pictures to share, I said, "He's my son they are all good!" We hope to be posting some video on Face Book a little later to give you a more true image.

Roller Coaster of Love

The past 48 hours have been a roller coaster ride.  Friday night at about 5:30 PM Kentucky time we were boarding a shuttle heading to the Incheon International Airport in Seoul, South Korea.  25 hours later we landed in Louisville, KY to celebrate with friends and family who had gathered at the airport to greet us.  Throughout those 25 hours the presence of God and the evidence of His grace was so very obvious to us and we are unashamedly grateful for that grace!

Both of us had resigned ourselves to the idea that the 12 1/2 hour flight from Seoul was going to be torturous for our party of three as well as the other 300 people on the plane when Isaac had finally had enough of being trapped in metal prison at 37,000 feet.  We dreaded the arrival of that moment but we were banking on Philippians 4:13 to carry us through and decided that we could endure pretty much anything for 12+ hours if it meant bringing our little boy home.  That moment never arrived. For 12 1/2 hours our little boy was a model citizen.  He had a couple of minor infractions, but nothing severe enough to be added to his permanent record.  To be honest, I think he handled the captivity better than myself or Bethany!

When we hit the ground in Dallas, TX we were dreading our 6 hour layover.  The layover began with us spending about hour waiting through the process of immigration and customs with a child who had already been awake for 16 hours.  Bethany and I were both so happy that he had managed to hold it together on the plane that we would've been totally cool with him melting down in the airport… but he never did.  He took it all in stride and when we got through all the paperwork, bag checks, security, etc. and finally arrived at our gate to wait out the remainder of our layover he took a bottle and passed out cold.  We took turns holding him while he slept, alternating whenever we lost all feeling in whichever arm he was currently resting on.  When we boarded the plane heading to Kentucky he let out a few yells to declare his disapproval of being on another air plane and then went right back to sleep… as did Daddy only without the screaming.  We tried our best to wake him up beginning about 30 minutes before we landed with no success and finally just decided our family would meet him asleep and be greeted by the fit we'd been expecting since boarding the first flight in Seoul.  Once again we were surprised when little man woke up on his own and decided to greet our family and friends with smiles and even hugs as he lunged from my arms into the arms of his Uncle Matt.

The finish line was in sight with only one hurdle left to clear... the car seat.  Most people in the USA don't give a second thought to putting an infant in a car seat, it's simply standard operating procedure.  That's all well and good until you realize that until the moment Isaac sat his behind in his Mamaw's van, he had never even SEEN a car seat much less been strapped into one.  After having personally ridden in several taxis while in Seoul, I would seriously consider strapping myself into a 5 point harness as well as donning a helmet and pads.  When we put Isaac in the seat he never made a sound other than the occasional laugh while playing peek-a-boo while we finished loading up.  He grumbled a little just outside of Etown, but just enough to remind us he was in the car.

Now we're home and it's like he's lived here all his life.  He's had a few moments here and there as he is slowly getting adjusted to the time change and rearranging his schedule, but he has assimilated himself into our family just like he was the missing piece of our puzzle.  He's even been reading his Bible as was evidenced by the way he greeted Bacon the wonder dog with an open mouth,  see Romans 16:16 for clarification.

Thanks to all of you who have been reading and praying for us along the way throughout this journey.  We would never have made it without you.  In the moments we needed them the most your prayers were answered and the value of those prayers to us could not be adequately expressed in words.  Please don't stop now though, and if there is one thing that I could ask of each and every one of you it would be that you add something to your prayers.  I would ask that you pray for the foster family who cared for our little boy for over a year as we waited for the process to play itself out and allow us to go and get him.  That foster family loved our little boy in such an amazing way and it shows with just how well he is doing in such a new and strange environment.  The emotions they are experiencing right now is likened to that of having a death in the family and the absence of Isaac in their family is a wound that won't quickly heal.  Pray that God surrounds their family with His love and speeds the healing process.  Pray that they re-enter the foster program so that another family might have their child being cared for in such a wonderful home.  Pray that we never forget the blessing of seeing first hand just how much our son was loved before we ever even entered the picture!

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 NIV

Who's I Am

This will be the last blog entry from inside the borders of South Korea.  Tomorrow morning we get on a plane heading home to Kentucky and boy are we excited.  The idea of the flight is terrifying as we will be locked in the plane at 30,000 feet with our little boy whether he is in a good mood or not.  There is no escape for anyone should he decide that a meltdown is needed mid-flight and if bedtime is any indication, this little guy can bring the pain when it comes to throwing a fit.

Most of you know the story of how God had to change my heart when it came to the subject of adoption.  Before I met Bethany, the idea of adopting never would have crossed my mind for an instant.  It's funny how God often uses the things that we least expect to change our lives.  Looking back on the last 10 years, I can clearly see the way God worked a miracle to get me to Korea and I am so very thankful that He did.  If not for the grace of God, I would never have looked into the eyes of my son and fallen head over heels in love.  10 years ago I would never have believed the depth of love I could feel for someone I have only just met, but it is so unbelievably real!  The first time Bethany gave him a bottle and I sat on the couch staring into his eyes, I thought my heart was going to burst.  He just stared at me, his eyes never leaving mine... searching to see if I was all in or holding something back.

Since coming back to the guest house with us, Isaac has been a mamma's boy 100%.  He would play peek-a-boo with me or make faces with me, but he wouldn't sit with me or walk with me or let me hold him.  He would look at me from time to time and just stare into my eyes, still searching me out to see where we stood.  It's so hard not being able to communicate the way you want too with someone you love so very much.  I wanted to tell him that I'm not going anywhere, that I'm gonna love him forever and that there isn't anything in the world that will ever change that... but how do you do that when you're speaking a different language?  It turns out some things don't need words to be communicated.  This afternoon I was sitting in the floor while Isaac was sitting in the armchair with his mommy.  He was staring at me again and so I did my best to hold his gaze and not look away as he searched me once again.  All of a sudden he climbed down out of the chair and walked over to me and turned around and sat right down between my legs and leaned back against me.  I couldn't have soared higher if I had my wings!

Just a few months ago I got to attend the Simply Youth Ministry Conference when it came to Louisville, KY.  There was a guy by the name of Tim Timmons who came to lead us in worship several times throughout the conference and one of his songs that he used to lead us to God's throne is titled "Child of God".  When Isaac crossed the room today to sit between my legs and let me wrap him up in a hug a line from that song came screaming into my mind and re-confirmed to me that this was God's plan long before it ever became my plan.

"I am adopted in Christ, I can call you Father.  I walk with you dignified, with your sons and daughters.  You hold your hands out, you wrap me in your mercy and tell me Who's I am!"  Tim Timmons